Once she entered the arrangement, she negotiated a much closer relationship to self-care and mindfulness.  She learned to focus, meditated, and even prayed (even though she felt as if God was giving her a side eye).  She could not think much about what she was doing. It was a drive-thru self-care she committed to, not a whole, healthy one.  That would have meant the end of the arrangement.

Well, she did have to make sure she looked good, stayed fit and was able to keep up, but in terms of thinking about the repercussions of what she was doing, well, her mind needed to stay clear. It was too much, too precarious, and if she pulled one domino out, it would all come tumbling down. Thinking too much shook the dominoes.

Her day was simple.  She woke up in a beautiful high-rise apartment in Los Angeles, where she ingested a prescribed combination fruit and veggie smoothie and water.  She was on a ‘nutritional plan’ which adhered to strict guidelines to maintain the ideal weight for her frame and desired body type.  This body ideal was not hers, it was his, and the ‘nutritional plan’ was designed to sure to be able to maintain curves in his desired locations. Her mornings were robotic.

Next, she would automatically dress in the latest Ivy Park design and be driven to the gym where she would work with a personal trainer and masseuse for two hours daily.  She had to have stamina and be strong, yet very relaxed and flexible. This part was easy, because she was an athlete well before she met him. The trainer’s name was Boris, yet she would never call him by his name. He didn’t want to hear of her and the trainer getting too close.  The trainer never looked her in the eye.

After that, her driver would take her back to the apartment and she would shower and prepare to either shop or go to lunch (adhering to the plan) with others like her.  Friends of opportunity.  The only people she could halfway talk to. Mindless chatter.

She had a standing weekly appointment at Kimble and Co.  He had a standing order for hair delivered there for her monthly. She made sure her own beautiful hair was kept healthy underneath.

Several times a week He would want to come “have lunch” with her at the apartment.  That would last into the afternoon, but would not prevent him from coming back later that night/early morning.  Times of rote activity, no room for contemplation.

About twice a month, she would be summoned to join him on the road.  She got to see all the great cities in the world, even Dubai and at those times, her mind took in the wonder and beauty of where she was. Nothing else.

She knew the arrangement was only for a year.  His wife was pregnant again, and she figured he would be tired of her after that time anyway.  Now that she was his, she began to hear of his patterns.  But as time went by, He began to speak of extending the arrangement.  That would mean a new contract.  That would mean she would have to think about it.

The ‘paychecks’ deposited in her bank account of $21,000 a month were something to think about.  That money was free and clear and was above and beyond the unlimited use of the Black Amex card he’d had issued in her name.  If she signed up for another year, that would be another 250K.  Half a million for 2 yrs. It was a no brainer.

Sometimes, her mind wandered back to times in Georgia with her Big Grandmama when she was little.

“Girl, a cluttered mind will steal your focus.  But sometimes, a cluttered mind means there is something you need to deal with.  The best thing to do is to deal with what’s in front of you.  And deal with it in the right way.”

Big Grandmama’s eyes had bored through her soul. And they were with her more and more these days. When those eyes popped up into her brain, she just took a deep breath, sat in the sun on her yoga mat on the balcony and swept her away, into a locked box in her mind, carefully arranged on a shelf with her heart.

No, her mind wasn’t cluttered.  It was neat and tidy.